Trying my best

I find it hard to know what the hell I'm doing most of the time. There are no useful metrics to tell me if I'm doing it right. Am I making a difference. Does it matter anyway?

I measure myself constantly. My value, my adequacy, the circumference of my thighs, my cholesterol, my patience and kindness. I drink the data in like it will tell me what to do next. Give back more, eat less, clean the house.

A relentless race, where I don't know the course, the only finish line is death, and no one cares if I'm winning.

In the face of the human condition, I want to learn to sit still. I want to put my measure down. I want to record nothing. No facebook post, no status update, no shouting out to the world that I'm trying my best.

Just a quiet push and pull of breath and blood. The simple act of existing.